[Re-post #2]*
Sometimes I feel like disconnecting myself from EVERYTHING. I feel like settling down in an almost-inaccessible place, far from the madding crowd. Where I am not answerable to ANYONE. I want to totally retreat. I want to totally withdraw.
I really feel like having a soulful one-on-one conversation with God. As in earlier posts I have mentioned I don’t have faith in god but I really need a God type person to free my mind and heart. I want to say so much, I want to know so much. There are so many questions unanswered in my mind. I feel so anxious and restless these days, I can’t even sleep peacefully. I keep tossing and turning all night.
It irritates me when my eyes start paining by devoting so long hour on computer and I have a persistent headache these days. I know I should limit the time I spend in front of the computer. But I’m just crazy.
I have become too moody and cranky as a person. I experience terrible mood swings these days. I don’t want to hurt people and I don’t want to hurt.
I misbehave with those I should behave myself with, and I behave with those I should misbehave with.
It is not a very good thing to be a good listener, to be a sweet person, to be compassionate, to be expressive, to be transparent. I get tired of listening to everybody’s problems. Somebody’s girlfriend has dumped him, somebody is not getting right job, somebody is having a tough time with his parents, somebody is unhappy with the way he looks…as if my own issues are not enough to drain me out.
And I must add… being a good hearted is a problem. Really. Okay…there are privileges of being good, but there are more problems. And being a beautiful person is a bigger problem.
I felt so strongly about socially relevant issues like rape, dowry, women exploitation, politics, the Indian education system, terrorism, etc.
People have a tendency to judge you on the basis of what you write. They are quick to jump to conclusions. They form a mental picture of you. They assume and presume things about you. My blog is definitely a reflection of ‘me’, but there’s more to me than my blog! I don’t like to be judged.
I want to SWITCH OFF my noisy mind! It is totally screwed up! Even garbage smells better!
I swear my thoughts are spinning out of control. I caught myself staring at the ceiling last night.
I want to SCREAM my lungs out!
I want to DISAPPEAR!
I am totally DRAINED OUT!
[Previous post Dated 20 Sept'10-Posted 6 Feb-Sun 2:34am Again thanks n love to my unseen friend for her support in this post.thank you Baby :) ]
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