I don't know what I need, may be I need a friend who is always a friend, a friend who does not take me for granted, a friend I would always depend upon, a friend who reciprocates the same way, a friend who understands me, a friend who gets happy with all those small things, a friend who realizes my existence, a friend who has no hesitation to say anything, a friend who is ready to share all that is special, a friend who gives everything even before I expect it, a friend who really cares, a friend who knows me more than myself, a friend who understands what I need, a friend who is just a call away, a friend whose voice brings a smile in the heart, a friend with whom I can talk what ever I feel like, even it may b against the friend, a friend who knows what he/she means to me, a friend who is happy the way I am, a friend who lets me know that he/she cares.
Yes it may sound too weird but I think these are few things which we all speak of a friend and we think we all satisfy these as a friend. But have we ever wondered where we have gone wrong?
We think what we do; we won't really hurt our friend because our friend understands us. But why don't we think that the same friend may also be expecting the same. We all think that we need a friend who possesses the above mentioned criteria, but are we really ideal in that respect? Do we make ourselves such that a friend would really feel the way we want to feel when we get back the same things? Do we really come upto the expectations of our friends. But at each point of life we feel that our friends should come upto our expectation level. When a friend fails to do so we feel bad and think that the friend was not true friend and that the friend really never understood us. But why can't we think just the reverse. Did we understand our friend well?
Ego is a thing which has ruined many such friendships. I have been a pray to them too. Again in this case too we think that our friend should not have any ego. But we never look at ourselves whether we have ego or not, and the moment we feel and we say that we don't have ego then that ego which says we don’t have ego. Its so recursive that we really don’t realize it. Why is it that we always try and make our friends realize how much we care or how much we do for them? And when we do this we really bring that ego in between.
I would like to make a confession. Yes I have felt this many a times for my friend. A thought always comes to me “why does not my friend reciprocate the way I want her to, why she don't give a call when I have given a call and they missed it, why is it that I am always a person taken for granted, why is it that I am always the last person to be remembered on the earth, and regardless of this why always I get to hear that I don't understand”. Well I was really at fault.
I started to write this post just out of frustration with the above thought regarding my friends with an intention to complain but in the process of writing I have realized that I was at fault and it was really kiddish on my part to think that way, and I am going through a fight right now, a fight which is more important than anything which matters me.
" Hey I am really sorry for my such thoughts regarding you. Sorry is not enough for the things you have faced just because of me, my guilt is not sufficient against the situation I led you in, my confession is not enough to heal the pain I have given you. I know I can't make things better, I have made you embarassed in front of your loved one. If you think I can do anything to you to ease your life then don't think even for a second before telling me. (your decesion of not talking to me is the first step in this direction, that I know...You were always a good decision maker.)
Yes I am damn confused regarding my thoughts and yes I was my fault, it was my mistake."
I too know that this is what every other person goes through. But again is it me who has been thinking more? But whatever, this is the fact.
This is what I need....I need you to realise the same as I did it just now.
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He: Do u still miss me?do u miss me even a little bit in ur life ?
She : yes I do..
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(# tue : 3:05 am)
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