Where my Memories lies

Hey watsup! must be sleeping peacefully. I know. 

Its 2:30am in my timezone. The world around is peacefully snoring, and me non stop listening to this number (don't have a count though),either its adrenaline level rushing in my vein or its just my thoughts don't let me go. A bit aloof, somewhat distressed, restless, losing patience, posing temper. God, isn't it too much of negative vibes surrounding, do these really define me?? I wasn't like this ever, believe me. But, then what is causing this all of a sudden, or it's a gradual effect. Whatever..
But, the main concern is why, the life is seeming so off track, or is it me only moving in the wrong direction. What is this? Is it because everyone has a lot of why(s) and when(s) for me and I don't have a single sort of answer? Is it because of my recent failure in career? Is it because everyone around me had moved step ahead from me? Is it because I am not coming up with my parents expectation? Is it because I am jealous of my friends? Is it because I am feeling insecure? Is it because I miss YOU a lot these days? Is it because I need a support? Is it because right now I need YOU the most? Is YOUR today's words are influencing me to think? Or is the sufficient amount of alcohol & spirit which has been dissolved in my nerves is speaking. What is this, why is this? I am trapped in all these why & when.
We dream big, even work for them, but are we able to meet our dreams. We think high, but are those positive thoughts radiated back? Trying my hard to power my thoughts, but is it a worthy task, having a control over our mind? I feel, one single wish if granted, one single direction if shown, one single chance if given, I'll be what life desires from me. But, then when will I get that chance or rather how can I get it? You may say, by putting endless efforts, and labour, but even then, does a right direction not needed? A focus should be there, but the area to focus should be one's priority, isn't it?
Am, totally lost in this song, trying to subdue my emotions, but still want to ask you, do life offer us another chance, can we get an opportunity to amend our mistakes, what if I realize it now, What if I wish to start again, Is there some one to show me new direction, will I be able to knock any opportunity? Is this song reflecting a part of my life, do I need another chance, do I wish to grow again, do I wish to live life on my own terms. Well, considering the scenario right at the moment it's showing a positive sign. But then, again huge list of when, how , where quenches me. I wish, it's just a passing phase, and I might get back soon, discovering my answers, moving with a firm pace, living my Life. Hope, He is having an eye over my thoughts, after all He has to listen..!!

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