Where my Memories lies

The silence is almost overwhelming. Its amazing how I can hear the wall clock tick at this time of the night.....its something I've observed for a while now....lying awake....wasted....half naked....Some random track playing in repeat....The music beat rises and falls....a thumping sound of heartbeat....the whirring of the ceiling fan....the meaningless words of someone lost.

 
This is not a post which comes from the happy side of the heart. These are words which have been buried deep, not wanting to come out, but they do. They come out defying norms, rules. They come out because they have been kept in the hiding for too long.

So, here I am. Writing about things that should not be said under the sun. Writing about feelings that are black in color, gold with tears, and blue with pain. This is it.
Everything that was built together is broken down now. Everything that was put together on sandy fonts, washed in the rising storm. 

Letting go. I am letting go. Of everything that I was holding back down. I am letting her fly because 'she is no longer a part of my memory'. I don't know her anymore. I don't own her any longer. Though a loads of why, if and buts are still remaining which need a good amount of discussion, but these doesn't keep any place now. And, by doing this, I am freeing myself from hate, sadness, anger, hurt, and guilt. By doing this, I am telling myself not to cry anymore because what has happened has happened. It was meant to be. By letting us go, I am no longer holding pain, hate, and the past. 

It is over. Everything that brought this relationship has been broken down to individual. All the blood and flesh cannot compete. We are not lost, we just don't want to be together anymore.
It is okay, I tell myself. People fade away. The faces in my fantasies will somehow disappear from my mind and I don't know what to replace them with. A day like this was coming soon. And, it arrived some couple of week before. No longer worrying what was going to be caused. No longer worrying about the consequences.
Anything is better than getting back together, at least, that is what it feels like these days.

But again, leaving someone who have accepted you for your goods and bad, who had been there for you when you feel insecure at 3am in the morning, the one who would love to see you in your favorite t-shirts and was there with you in a relationship for more than four year is the hardest.
It would be nice to have someone who you would wait for till the end of time, you know, in case they've changed their mind about wanting to have you in their life again. But I don't wanna live in such expectation.
Yet it is the saddest decision I've ever made. But I have to.

So, here I am. Writing about things that are ending. Writing about things that matter no longer. Because, tomorrow is going to be a new day. And, this pain would go away. In the end, we all die a little when we begin a new.

And with that, I close the book of your name.