Where my Memories lies

I went out today, alone and unbound to any person. I am not feeling well, but today I felt I could go out. I went without telling anything to my mum, she sure was worried, she asked me many times since last week, if I was upset or anything because I am not talking to anyone properly.       

                                   

I walked down the path without any thought. I didn't bother about the prying eyes of people on the streets, some familiar might have recognized me, some just ignored. My school friends whom I might have had long forgotten must have given a look of familiarity but I just turned away, aware of the prying eyes. I wanted to be alone. I went along walking early morning, not knowing where I should I go. Saw the police and some people sipping tea at local tea shop, Winter has been arrived, I was saddened at the thought that I won't be able to see the sunrise as I never was a early riser. I walked along listening to the humming of my cell phone (From outside it appeared like I was listening to songs). I finally went and stood on a place where I could see the skyline, I was alone, and I was broken and I still am. The people, the traffic and the buses alike couldn't bother me by any measure. I was thinking about my life, I realized I am so distracted that I couldn't concentrate on even one aspect.

One thing that is pulling me down is that I am no more that open to anyone, I can't concentrate on anyone who tries to strike a conversation, I just can't talk to anyone. Cellphone annoys me now, most of the time it remains on silent. Don't fell like to return a call on any missed call. Even the smallest of things upsets me and bring frustration to me and the closest of my friend feels miles away when I talk to her. I just don't want to understand whats going on. I can't wait to leave this place and fly back to Delhi. But don't know how long this waiting is going to be.

Belonging to a place and then shifting your base. I was thinking about the first day when I left this city, leaving a place where I spent most of my early days, but I always knew this was the place I belonged for I was born here. What kind of association I have made of this city remains to be found, what I was wondering then was that how lonely I suddenly felt when I saw the city from a distance, a silent broken tearing voice inside said, "You don't belong here."

 Being so honest and sincere on a public platform is pure insanity but I am doing it. I couldn't care less.