I just want to type something out tonight. After Thursday and all the reflections, I figured that I’m going to have to find a way to reflect about my life. Whatever, I am just going to to pen all these memories and thoughts down here.
Anyway when I finally got the results and I didn’t achieve the target,It was not bad though but not upto to the mark, failed to hit the line. I felt disappointed, sad and numb but mostly numb, I didn’t know what to do, felt as if my fate was sealed to fail in studies (life). I just kept thinking to myself that I can always try again and do better but that thought was pushed back in the deepest part of my brain because I got caught up with my pessimistic thoughts. At first, it was okay well no not really, but there was a nagging feeling that kept on bothering me. I slowly began to feel like I don’t belong here with these people around me as if I suddenly had a moment of clarity. The fog from my brain began to clear up and the thought of me quitting everything came back.
The idea of me failing (in everything I do) slowly turned as my ultimatum, it was as if I need to get out of here, and that I don’t belong anywhere.The place that I thought I’ll be happy became my personal hellhole. Everyone around me became a nuisance and my family where I use to feel fine are now in category of same other people. It has always been my dream to be someone who will be able to achieve beyond what anybody never expect me to achieve or at least making myself feel successful, but it feels like I’m slowly failing myself and everything is rather impossible for me to achieve right now.
So, what’s the point in all of this? I guess the point is that sometimes as humans when we weren’t able to reach that dream of ours we give up and look for something else; and then when a sudden feeling of unfulfillment hits you like a train, it makes you feel even worse and that you feel nothing but to give everything up. There's probably 101 million things all jumbled up in my head right now. It feels like I'm drowning in the deep blue ocean not being able to swim anywhere
Anyway when I finally got the results and I didn’t achieve the target,It was not bad though but not upto to the mark, failed to hit the line. I felt disappointed, sad and numb but mostly numb, I didn’t know what to do, felt as if my fate was sealed to fail in studies (life). I just kept thinking to myself that I can always try again and do better but that thought was pushed back in the deepest part of my brain because I got caught up with my pessimistic thoughts. At first, it was okay well no not really, but there was a nagging feeling that kept on bothering me. I slowly began to feel like I don’t belong here with these people around me as if I suddenly had a moment of clarity. The fog from my brain began to clear up and the thought of me quitting everything came back.
The idea of me failing (in everything I do) slowly turned as my ultimatum, it was as if I need to get out of here, and that I don’t belong anywhere.The place that I thought I’ll be happy became my personal hellhole. Everyone around me became a nuisance and my family where I use to feel fine are now in category of same other people. It has always been my dream to be someone who will be able to achieve beyond what anybody never expect me to achieve or at least making myself feel successful, but it feels like I’m slowly failing myself and everything is rather impossible for me to achieve right now.
So, what’s the point in all of this? I guess the point is that sometimes as humans when we weren’t able to reach that dream of ours we give up and look for something else; and then when a sudden feeling of unfulfillment hits you like a train, it makes you feel even worse and that you feel nothing but to give everything up. There's probably 101 million things all jumbled up in my head right now. It feels like I'm drowning in the deep blue ocean not being able to swim anywhere
I can clearly understand the state of your mind. I can feel the way you can feel putting myself in your shoes but just wanted to say that be proud of who you are; how you ended being the person you are today. But I
can't deny the fact that sometimes we wish we are living in someone else's
life. Someone luckier. We wish we can see what others see in me.
But that is not going to change anyting. Stop comparing where you’re at with where everyone
else is. It doesn’t move you farther ahead, improve your situation, or
help you find peace. It just feeds your shame, fuels your feelings of
inadequacy, and ultimately, it keeps you stuck. The reality is that
there is no one correct path in life. Everyone has their own unique
journey. A path that’s right for someone else won’t necessarily be a
path that’s right for you. And that’s okay. Your journey isn’t right or
wrong, or good or bad. It’s just different. Your life isn’t meant to
look like anyone else’s because you aren’t like anyone else. You’re a
person all your own with a unique set of goals, obstacles, dreams, and
needs. So stop comparing, and start living. You may not have ended up
where you intended to go. But trust, for once, that you have ended up
where you needed to be. Trust that you are in the right place at the
right time. Trust that your life is enough. Trust that you are enough. 
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